I love those days (usually a Tuesday or a Sunday) when you get a random call from one of your friends:
Friend: Yo bro! lets get some beers I’m close to your place.
Me: cool man going down!
As I am walking out, I pick my cell, my wallet and next to it there is a condom.
It is just one, not one pack. It says Trojan on the front- ultrasensitive.
It is almost as if God just put it there for you.I look at the condom in disbelief-Nooo, its not gonna happen! Come on just some beers- that’s all, on a fucking Tuesday at some random pub.
I look at it again. I think: but…what if? Place my hand almost subconsciously as if to grab it…slowly close my hand- SNAP
Come on!! Don’t be ridiculous – yeah whatever fosh, two fucking blonds are going to be there and one of them just to happens to like you and it just so happens to be horny and just so fucking happens to take you to her place to fuck… WHATEVER!!!!
Leave the damn thing ( it doesn’t cost you a fucking thing to bring it with you but…well it just feels weird to have condoms all over you- what if you are in the middle of a discussion with a professor or saying hello to your mom and plump- a condom just makes its way out of your pocket and lands on the floor…as people stare at it
Trojan with cherry flavor for more intensive pleasure… and the world pleasure just seems to be bigger than the rest PLEASUREEEE…)
Fuck that- condoms are to fuck I am going to have 1 hour beer. Go to the bar and start drinking. 1 hour, two hours, two hours/half. Having great time, half tipsy, forgot all about the condom issue.
I go the bathroom, discharged manny, come back , sit and suddenly my friend has his eyes lit up:
DUDEEEE!!! Check out those girls just came in…Turn my head!!!Two blonds with tits the size of Apollo 13 and just as lost as the damn spaceship. I take the lead- approach to the left as if passing by, my friend covers the back guard. One of the blonds see me passing and smiles- that kind of smile where both know its on but on one says a word. I smile back and play tough to get- sit back on the bar.
What happened? My friend queried
Its on bro!!! I respond.
Chat for 15 min- then stand up and walk by- ask them if they have a lighter- They say no and I say it doesn’t matter cause I don’t smoke.
WHY DID YOU ASK THENNNN says the bimbo blondie!!! Half smiling—
Well….
We spent 3 more hours talking to the girls. Its all amazing, they are from out of town somewhere lost in eastern Europe in a place that ends up with a kakizatan or ania somewhere- last night in NY obviously- both are kissing them and then it comes the extraction phase.
We suggest their hotel and they agreed. Loving it. Taxi cab, lex, park, mad, fifth, sixth… done!!! The Hilton. God is smiling up there… me too. Enter the room- get steamy. Then I hear the words…
Hey santi- do you have a condom?
The image just rewinds in my head over and over again…the wallet, the hand, the thoughts: oh come on its not gonna happen! I can see my hand leaving the condom in the shelf. I can see it over and over.
Fucking idiot! I screamed
What happened? She says.
Nothing I am just a fucking retarded idiot that’s all sweetie. Nod my head against my hand. Fuck fosh how can you be such a fucking idiot.
Soldier is down by now. Think, think…
You don’t happen to have any don’t you? I asked her.
No, of course not. Is not like I am having my last beer in NY in some pub and I am thinking, oh I am going to meet a guy and fuck…
No of course not, who could think of that! I replied.
Go back home, disappointed in a way, grateful in another. I forgot about the condom by now, my anger out weights my guilt. Put the wallet down, my cell phone… and there he is, alone in my deskTrojan Ultra sensitive. All packed waiting to be used. Repeat to myself, softly: fucking idiot. Take the condom and put it inside my wallet. Back to the roots.